A divorced single mother once wrote:

I am writing to you in order to make someone understand that it’s good to appreciate our partners despite their flaws. I am 32 years of age. My ex husband, his family and mine knew each other for 6 years. We where best of family friends. I waited until he completed college and started work. My family and his family then met. We got married and had a son. (7 years old now).

My husband was short tempered at times but our problems started when I wanted to make him feel he couldn’t control me. Every time we argued, I would pack my bags, go to my family and explain. My sisters would phone my husband and shout at him. If he was controlling me, I would always dare him that if he wished, he could divorce me. In reality, I never wanted divorce. I just had pride and I never wanted to look like a loose woman in his eyes. One day I pushed him so hard that for the first time he beat me and locked me outside. I went to my family, my family took him to the police station. Every time, in all this occasions, I pretended and looked like I was being abused, yet im the one who was emotionally abusing him. With a salary that was good to take care of myself, as I thought, what else to worry about but in reality, I used to abuse my husband emotionally, and not once but so many times. He was arrested and detained. I was later asked by his family to withdraw the case. I felt that what I was doing was wrong. My husband was never a violent man, he did what he did because I pushed him to the wall of which he openly knelt down and apologized. I withdrew the charge, and we reconciled.

After three months, I packed my bags after a small issue and he remained alone. After two days, I received a call that he was in the hospital. My family told me that I shouldn’t go there because it would look like I was begging him- and my sisters believed he was feigning the illness. All this time, people felt sorry for me like I was the one being abused. I remained adamant. He spent a week in the hospital, after he came out, I just received a divorce summon. I wanted to say no to divorce, but because I felt this pride, I wanted him to change his mind and beg me. I called him and said he would get the divorce because I lived like I was in hell. When we went to court, I wanted to make him pay, so I told the court that I needed his properties to be shared. To my surprise he openly told the court that whatever he and I acquired together should be given to me, all he wanted was divorce. We were divorced in 2009 July. Now, my husband is married, whilst l am here wasted! My family members are gossiping about me. I depend on what my ex husband gives to my son for survival. My relatives disappeared. In the process, I lost my job but to my surprise, those near me never helped me. I personally know I wasted my marriage. I am here telling all wives that they should be careful how they get advise.

Don’t be cheated and don’t be proud to think you don’t need him. Above all, don’t entertain family interference in your marriage my dear sister. Right now my younger sisters are much more respected than me. Those who encouraged me to get divorced are always teasing and bad mouthing me. Please ladies, be vigilant in your marriage.I Thought it wise to share my story to save your marriage.  There is no benefit in pride and nagging your man for a fight. Inasmuch as there have been genuine causes for divorce, me I wasn’t the victim but I was the abuser. Sometimes, it’s not the man or woman’s fault but our pride is the one that makes people so adamant when divorce is mentioned! Again, beware of those who advise you to divorce your man or woman. Remember many are waiting on the line for that opportunity you’re squandering.

A lady once said her “girlfriend and best friend” told her to sign the divorce papers when she went to her to ask for advise. She signed but after some few month, she heard the same “girlfriend” is living with her man! Infact, when she felt relaxed to think about it, she pressured her to sign Up-but do you know what? The same girlfriend who pressured her to sign the divorce papers is now married to the same man and has 3 kids together. She immediately moved in with her friend’s man, after making sure she has put the final blow to her divorce in signature form. Please don’t allow friends and family to interfere with your marriages. Some of them have ill intentions because at the end of the day, you end up being their laughing stock, after helping you break your marriage! Only run away when your life is in danger, but this other things can be solved between the two of you and if another person has to step in, let it because is a last option…Before you involve your family and friends, see if you can talk to a certified counselor.. (both of you) then if worse, then slowly involve your parents or church. Fortunately, there are so many certified marriage counselors in church who’s job is to help couples in a moment of crisis in their marriages. It may cost you a little but you come out more optimistic than when you learn on malicious relatives and friends advise(some).

My question to all married women is, are you the source of trouble in your marriage, or are you a blessing? Your husband may not meet all your needs but if he looks back at his life’s jouney, can he easily say, “if it were not for my wife and her prayers and support, i would not be where I am today? The bible says “The wise woman builds her house, but the foolish pulls it down with her hands. (”Proverbs 14:1) The question is, how does a wise woman build her house, even in a society where men overtly hold the reins of power as in ancient Israel?

Great women are not born – they are made. A great woman chooses to be great. She has the right priorities for her life; she is wise and disciplined; her family and estate prosper.

On the other hand, many women are foolish and rebellious; they are distracted and lazy; their families and estates fall into ruin during their lives and afterwards. What a waste

Here is encouragement and a warning to women. You have a tremendous opportunity to build a family and estate that will be to the glory of God and profit of others well into the future. It is your choice to be wise and to build. Forsake the foolish and prosper (Pr 9:6).

There are few better modern examples than Sarah Pierpont, the wife of Puritan preacher Jonathan Edwards. Incase you don’t know any Christian history, let me remind you that Jonathan Edwards was one of the most respected preachers in the 1700. He married his wife Sara in 1727 and they were blessed with eleven children. Every night when Mr. Edwards was home, he would spend an hour conversing with his family and then praying a blessing over each child. Jonathan and his wife Sarah passed on a great, godly legacy to their eleven children. Later, An American educator, A.E. Winship decided to trace the descendants of Jonathan Edwards almost 150 years after his death, Jonathan Edwards’ legacy includes: 1 U.S. Vice-President, 1 Dean of a law school, 1 dean of a medical school, 3 U.S. Senators, 3 governors, 3 mayors, 13 college presidents, 30 judges, 60 doctors, 65 professors, 75 Military officers, 80 public office holders, 100 lawyers, 100 clergymen, and 285 college graduates.

How may this be explained? Edwards was a godly man, but he was also hard working, intelligent and moral. Furthermore, Winship states, “Much of the capacity and talent, intensity and character of the more than 1,400 of Edwards’ family is due to Mrs. Edwards.”She was a great wife to an exceptional man and public figure, trained eleven children in the fear and love of God, kept a model home in holiness and warmth, and established a legacy through her descendants unmatched in American history.

Hopefully, you now realize why the bible says “A woman is either a crown to her husband or rottenness in his bones (Pr 12:4). This difference cannot be hid from the eyes of others, for his shame comes from them witnessing his curse (Pr 27:15-16). A husband’s flattery is of little value when others can easily witness a wife’s neglect of him, the children, the house, or the estate (Pr 24:30-34). The virtuous woman had great influence over her family and husband’s estate. She directed the care of the children and household and engaged in commercial real estate development and manufacturing and sales. Her husband’s importance in the city was greatly due to her superb management of these matters. Read it carefully (Pr 31:10-31). Houses were built up by Hannah, Lois, Eunice, and Bathsheba; all of whom invested in their children and grandchildren to the glory of God. Houses were torn down by Michal, Jezebel, and other odious and lazy women. The only widows to be financially supported by the church are those who build up houses well (I Tim 5:3-10). Others will be rejected.

The best way to identify a wise woman is by looking first at her husband. He will be successful in his vocation, for she will have relieved him of most or all the household duties (Pr 31:13-27). He will be confident, happy, and content, for she will have been a great lover and companion (Pr 5:1919:1331:11-12). He will apply himself well to the larger matters of family and estate, for his wise wife will have taken care of the lesser ones herself. May God build you as a godly wife who will be like Sarah whose generations of success can easily be traced on her. Don’t be the one to pull your marriage down with petty differences like the women in the story. With God’s help, you can make it, just as others did. God bless you

God bless you


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